I have been talking to a counselor about my emotional eating and she couldn't believe that I don't have that negative tape running through my head saying all those bad things about me ................ that's right because I never thought about me, because if I don't think about me I don't have a problem - simple.

I don't look at myself in the mirror, except to wash my face, so I don't acknowledge that I have a problem because I don't see it.

My catalyst to start losing weight originally was when I walked into the middle of a conversation, about me, where my boss at the time said "I just can't understand how anyone can let themselves get so FAT".  And of course as soon as she saw me changed the subject - dead give away!!! 

What I hate most is that I, nobody else, have let ME down.

I also hate that no-one in my family said anything when I started to stack on the kilos - not one person.  Family photos of gatherings were edited and the your worst photos hidden - thank you my sister "I took out all the really bad ones of you".  That it was acceptable for my grandmother to say "She is going to be the barrel of the family" and no-one said anything.

I hate to think what people are thinking and saying about me when I do my grocery shopping, because I know myself what I am thinking about me and the contents of my trolley or basket - how can what they be thinking be positive if I can't think anything positive about me??? 

But I do have to say when I see a larger person out and about, my first thought is 'you poor bugger!' - because I can relate to being so tired of the back ache, the neck ache, the having to reach that little bit further, the I am only out and about because I have to, being so conscious of where you are spatially, and the just having had enough.

Speaking of that have you noticed that we fatties don't tend to go out just to be 'out', we go out when we 'have' to go out.

I dread summer.  The heat for one, not being able to sleep or sleep comfortably, the red cheeks because I am hot and getting hotter doesn't matter what I do.

The front part of your lower leg that gets red and hot (and scaly) in summer and the only solution is to get off your feet in the cool.  Sweat that starts in your hair and covers you in a not so fine sheen, and yes, dribbles down the crack of your bum.

Oh, yes, that is another thing on a hot day - sitting on a plastic chair and then getting up and seeing the wet patch you have left in the shape of your lady bits!!! Lovely

 





 "We all live with the scars we choose"

Things I hate about being fat....

-Going clothes shoppng with friends who are all a size NOTHING.

-Having someone look u and up and down while saying ' Do you really need that' - just as you are about to tuck into a maple walnut fudge icecream sundae.

-Not being able to fit into rides at the amusement park.

-The horrible creaking noises that occur as one is walking across the stage in front of an audience!

Hmmm I'm gonna have a lil think bout this and get back to you. I think we could write a book!

One thing that i dont think has been mentioned but is the one thing i really hate -- its the smell of the skin when its been moist.  I know i am not the same size as some of you, but, where my 20yr old c-section scar is, my muffin top / apron flops over it and the smell drives me absolutely nuts (yes i use cornflour now as its the only neutralising powder i can find).  That smell is the most putrid i have ever smelt.

I have however noticed and i dont know if its the reason why, but i believe fully that the amount of water i have been drinking lately and the different exercises i have been doing lately has something to do with how the smell hasnt been so bad lately AND the muffin top looks to be shrinking.

I have also noticed that my 20+ yr old deep disguisting feral (never ever wear a bikini again) stretch marks which had already been fading with the constant use of bio oil in the past two years - have almost completely disappeared. (i was 47kg before i fell preg with my son & was 87 the day he was born - so yes big ugly stretchmarks).

~~Mountain-Maiden~~ (19/10/2009)

---

Ohh gosh, what an eye opener this thread is.  Some of whats been said i can relate to, and some of it i can just comprehend what its like for some of you I truely wish and hope all of you get to your goal weight so you can be happy again.

One thing that i dont think has been mentioned but is the one thing i really hate -- its the smell of the skin when its been moist.  I know i am not the same size as some of you, but, where my 20yr old c-section scar is, my muffin top / apron flops over it and the smell drives me absolutely nuts (yes i use cornflour now as its the only neutralising powder i can find).  That smell is the most putrid i have ever smelt.

I have however noticed and i dont know if its the reason why, but i believe fully that the amount of water i have been drinking lately and the different exercises i have been doing lately has something to do with how the smell hasnt been so bad lately AND the muffin top looks to be shrinking.

I have also noticed that my 20+ yr old deep disguisting feral (never ever wear a bikini again) stretch marks which had already been fading with the constant use of bio oil in the past two years - have almost completely disappeared. (i was 47kg before i fell preg with my son & was 87 the day he was born - so yes big ugly stretchmarks).

OMG that sounds absolutely awful - I'm alot bigger and very grateful I don't have to dust anything with cornflour?!  Maybe because I haven't lost half my body weight and I haven't had children.

I've also heard women mention about under their boobs etc., but really, if you get a good bra that doesn't happen either (well, it hasn't to my 20DDs haha).

Think perhaps it's that you doubled your body weight that your skin stretched so much.  I'm so glad to hear the Bio Oil is working for you.  It's great stuff eh.

What I hate about being fat is:

• Buying my recent beautiful demi-cup silver satin/lace bra
  that serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever other than to oggle at...

I hate having to spend $80 for one top if I want to buy a nice top (city chic). Why must attractive larger person clothing be expensive!

I hate the fact that for some reason all "fat woman" clothes in normal stores seem to either have nautical print or exercise stuff printed on them. What, we're whales who don't exercise enough? Or are we just fashion unconcious because we're larger?

I hate people saying to me "Oh, but you've had a baby, you have an excuse to be larger now". a) Gee, thanks for calling me fat, and b) That's SO not an excuse.

Not having enough room in our queen sized bed because my hubby isn't exactly a small person, and when I was bigger too we'd NEVER have enough room.

The rubbing thighs thing. I don't think that I'll ever get rid of that even if I do get to my goal weight.

The Challenge Challenge - 5.1kg in 4 weeks



The NYE Challenge - 27.5kg in 24 weeks

Pledged 5kg in the Spring Challenge, lost 7kg
Pledged 8kg in the bbbbbb Challenge, lost 5.4kg
Pledged 4kg in the October Challenge, lost 7.2kg

One thing that i dont think has been mentioned but is the one thing i really hate -- its the smell of the skin when its been moist.  I know i am not the same size as some of you, but, where my 20yr old c-section scar is, my muffin top / apron flops over it and the smell drives me absolutely nuts (yes i use cornflour now as its the only neutralising powder i can find).  That smell is the most putrid i have ever smelt.

Iquote]

Mountain Maiden I have the muffin top from 2 ceasar scars, but not the smell, but I have found 3B cream (from the chemist) to be particularly useful for thigh chafing - and as both problems are caused by sweat you might find it helpful - it has aluminium in it which is found in antiperspirants - actually - have you tried some rexona on the area? just a thought?  Good luck on losing your weight, and your muffin top!

NYE Challenge - 15 kilo pledge - 7.7 to go

Major Goal - 20 kilos by my birthday - March 2010 - 12.1 to go

After Baby # 2 - August 08 - 103.6kgs

Date	Weight	Loss	Total Loss	Comments
6/08/2009	93.6	0.0	0
13/08/2009	93.5	0.1	0.1
20/08/2009	93	0.5	0.6
27/08/2009	89.9	3.1	3.7
3/09/2009	89.2	0.7	4.4
10/09/2009	88.2	1.0	5.4
17/09/2009	86.4	1.8	7.2
24/09/2009	87.2	0.8	6.4
19/10/2009	87.2	0.0	6.4	After a break for 4 weeks I am thrilled  to have remained same weight
27/10/2009	86.2	1.0	7.4	Back in the game!
3/11/2009	85.7	0.5	7.9	Keep at it!

OMG.. That is so embarassing.. I have had it for as long as I can remember.. Before standing up, I will always slide forward, in the hope to dry the wetpatch on my pants before I get up. Oh I hate being FAT!!

I too have the csection scar with the over hang, its not nice..

I hate about being fat

I hate the feeling that everyone is looking at you and talking about you
I hate feeling like I have to go swimming fully clothed, as not to offend people.. It is really embarassing!!
I hate that Just because your a bigger person, clothing stores think your 6foot, and make clothes LONGER!.. There are 5ft fat people out there!!
I hate that if you buy something at the grocery store that isnt a stick of celery, it feels like people are judging you

I do have empathy for other larger people, Especially those who have a genuine desire to be thin, and want to do something about it. But what doesnt make me feel sorry for some is, I sat at the table next to this woman at the shops the other day, they came and sat down, and discussed what they were going to eat before they got it.. She was a very big girl.. Looked to me about a size 28-30. She was complaining about being fat. Saying it was impossible in todays society to lose weight, as there is no healthy food around in shops these days, especially nothing that wasnt like a piece of lettuce rabbit food, meanwhile I was sitting there enjoying a large TF salad from Sumo salad. She proceeded to complain as she got up, She returned with a large big mac meal, a quarter pounder and 6 nuggets from mcdonalds, and seemed to have no trouble polishing it off.. She complained the whole time she was eating. I was kind of sick of hearing it, until she said "OH, and I hate those people that have lost weight, they are so rude and stuck up, and think there so much better than us".. I wanted to knock her block off. Iam not rude, or stuck up, and I dont think im better than anyone else.
I got up with the shits, and stared at her, and as I walked off, she called me a fat bitch.. lol.. I just smiled and waved at her and said very nicely enjoy your mcdonalds, while waving my sumo salad box at her  .... nastyness gets you NOWHERE in this world..

Iam ALWAYS happy to help other people out, and have friends who want us to move in with them while were house hunting, so I can help them out with getting there weight under control.

OH .. sorry another thing that makes me angry, not so much about being fat, its JEALOUSY!!.. I have a friend who was always smaller than me, until I got under her weight about a month ago, She has now stacked on the weight, and doesnt want to talk to me anymore, because she is jealous, and tries in every way to sabotage my weightloss, She even resorted to stealing shakes out of my cupboard.. GRR..

I better stop rambling on now.. lol

Started 17-06-09 at 131.8kg 117cm Waist

**MINI GOAL** - Have lost 10kg in total by 1st August 2009  - On 27th July '09
**MINI GOAL**- Under 50BMI - 117kgs by 1stSeptember 2009 - On 9th August '09
**MINI GOAL**- Get to 110kg for mums birthday on1st October 2009 - On 8th September '09
**MINI GOAL**- Get to 100kg for my husbands 24th Birthday on November 2nd 2009 - On 30th October 2009
**MINI GOAL**- Get to 89kg for Christmas

Can I get to 89 kgs for christmas?? Let's See

YAY Down to DOUBLE DIGITS.. Hello 90's

1.  Not looking good in anything

2.  Hating to look at one self in the mirror

3.  Feeling uncomfortable in ones own skin

4.  Not being able to buy the things that look really good on the shop window dummies because    when you try it on you look disgusting

5.  Buying size 16 clothes

Thats it for now

cheers

	Weight
1/11/2009	91kg
8/11/2009
15/11/2009
22/11/2009
29/11/2009