hubby would spend the evenings online chatting. he would ditch me so he could be online. i found pictures on his phone that women had sent him. he didnt know that i knew his email password. he had incriminating emails. from there i could get into the sites he was using to meet people online(he used the same password for everything- duh) and could read msg left and sent.

i didnt know what to do. i felt like throwing up. i told my mum and she babysat the kids so i could talk to him. it was a really hard conversation to start but it had to be done. he deleted his hotmail account and promised not to do it anymore. he told me he was just enjoying friendships but as rosebud said, it was more that possible that it could have gone further given the opportunity. and just the simple fact that he was turning to internet 'friends' instead of me everyday was hurtful enough.

You really NEED to talk to him. tell him exactly how you feel. its hard but you have to do it.

goodluck

oh and we also decided that chatting online was ok to do together as a couple, it was fun and it was safe for our marraige.

eflow*take3this time its coming off and STAYING off!

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wSJILhO/]

17/07/09 STARTING WEIGHT 99.1kg

week	date	weight	loss	total	week	date	weight	loss	total
Wk1	24/07/09	97.8kg	-1.3kg	-1.3kg	Wk18	20/11/09
Wk2	31/07/09	97.0kg	-800g	-2.1kg	Wk19	27/11/09	90kg
Wk3	07/08/09	95.9kg	-1.1kg	-3.2kg	Wk20	04/12/09
Wk4	14/08/09	95.0kg	-900g	-4.1kg	Wk21	11/12/09
Wk5	21/08/09	96.5kg	+1.5kg	-2.6kg	Wk22	18/12/09
Wk6	28/08/09	95.8kg	-700g	-3.3kg	Wk23	25/12/09
Wk7	04/09/09	94.8kg	-1kg	-4.3kg	Wk24	01/01/10	85kg
Wk8	11/09/09	93.9kg	-900g	-5.2kg	Wk25	08/01/10
Wk9	18/09/09	92.9kg	-1kg	-6.2kg	Wk26	15/01/10
Wk10	25/09/09	92.4kg	-500g	-6.7kg	Wk27	22/01/10
Wk11	02/10/09	93.5kg	+1.1kg	-5.6kg	Wk28	29/01/10
Wk12	09/10/09	92.4kg	-1.1kg	-6.7kg	Wk29	05/02/10	80kg
Wk13	16/10/09	90.9kg	-1.5kg	-8.2kg	Wk30	12/02/10
Wk14	23/10/09	DNW	DNW	DNW	Wk31	19/02/10
Wk15	30/10/09	93.3kg	+2.4kg	-5.8kg	Wk32	26/02/10
Wk16	06/11/09	92.9kg	-400g	-6.4kg	Wk33	05/03/10
Wk17	13/11/09	91.5kg	-1.4kg	-7.8kg	Wk34	12/03/10	75kg

  

before and during pics: http://forum.tonyferguson.com/Topic511727-17-1.aspx

Re: Text of  him 'touching himself' -     I'm a shocker at confronting people until I have 100% proof so I guess I would wait until he's in the shower again and see if there are messages sent and received that give you the information you need.

I say this because if he denys all and is actually cheating, he will then make sure all texts are deleted to cover his ***.  It's possible the text was just part of a "nice to touch base with you on FB" message, and not as it initially sounds.  Last thing you want is to rip his head off to find it really is all innocent.

As for moving state, that's a big call.  If he's cheating I would think twice about staying with him let alone moving state.  It doesn't really matter that she lives up there, because if he's a cheater, he will find someone to play with no matter where he is.

I'm currently single and use FB alot.  However, if I had a BF I wouldn't (and did not when I was seeing someone) stop using the application or stop talking to my male friends online, nor would I delete their phone numbers at the request of my partner. To be honest if my partner asked me to do so I would think he had serious trust issues. We can't live our lives only surrounded by unattractive people to make our spouses feel better.   Everyone is entitled to friendships of both sexes, even if that friend happens to be physically attractive.     Q. If this woman was 130kg would you mind the chat so much?

And if you find nothing on his phone to incriminate him, perhaps just suggest you both go to bed for an early night 'nudge nudge wink wink' instead of going online and take it from there   Good luck Rachy.

Mini Goal - 125kg by 29th April

29 April my birthday - 125kg?

22 April
15 April
8 April
1 April
25 March
18 March
11 March
4 March

29 Feb

22 Feb

19 Feb

12 Feb

5 Feb - 137.1kg

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GOAL 95kg (size 16/18)
- a healthier, happier painfree sandradeee

Overall Weightloss Ticker 

  
Whatever Works - journey in pictures can be found here

Re-start TF 5th Jan 2010 - 115.5Kg

1st goal - lose 5.5Kg (down to 110Kg) by Jan 31

ULTIMATE GOAL:

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Whether he is going to change I dont know.. but he hasnt spoken to her in a few days.. well I think he hasnt, she hasnt been writing back to him, and cause he is a mechanic, he cant get on facebook during the day, and I can, i get on there just to check whether she has written to him, nothing so far...

I dont think he was cheating on me, I just think he was getting caught up in the whole Internet thing, and he was enjoying the attention from someone else.. I was his first Serious relationship, because he was such a shy person before I met him, i dont know why.

Started 17-06-09 at 131.8kg 117cm Waist

**MINI GOAL** - Have lost 10kg in total by 1st August 2009  - On 27th July '09
**MINI GOAL**- Under 50BMI - 117kgs by 1stSeptember 2009 - On 9th August '09
**MINI GOAL**- Get to 110kg for mums birthday on1st October 2009 - On 8th September '09
**MINI GOAL**- Get to 100kg for my husbands 24th Birthday on November 2nd 2009 - On 30th October 2009
**MINI GOAL**- Get to 95kgs by my daughters 4th birthday party on 30th January

The Bunny Challenge

Firstly, he is only talking to an old friend, they are nowhere near each other, so nothing physical is going on - I think you can be pretty sure of that.

One sure way of pushing someone away is to be reactively jealous. Jealousy is a very hard emotion to deal with and it usually stems from ones own insecurities. (He is with you, not her, so I am assuming he loves you - all relationships get a bit 'same old thing'. It is up to us to not take each other for granted and let that happen - make special dinners, picnics in the park, learn to like his money pit of a car because it means something to him and find something that you can do together).

Please don't read messages on his phone, you said yourself you 'think' it said such and such - you will do your head in over stuff like this. Besides I am a big believer that reading someone elses messages be they on the phone, email, facebook or diary is not on - to me it is an invasion of privacy and we all deserve the benefit of the doubt.

When you learn to relax and enjoy your partner and your relationship and put those jealous feelings away, life will seem so much easier (because those feelings are exhausting). I know it can be hard to deal with these sorts of emotions but for your sake and the sake of your relationship you need to. Perhaps go and talk to a counsellor about it and learn ways to deal with emotions.

One other reason to keep destructive emotions under wraps is because when they come out, they make our bodies release cortisol to deal with them - the number one reason stopping the average woman losing weight effectively.

Hang in there, I dare say you are both worth the effort and like I said before he is still there with you, he comes home to you. All the best.

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Ultimate Goal

My story is similar my signficant other Justin was really into his online poker so much in fact that he would spend his spare time on there when I was at his place.  It got so annoying because he didn't interact with me until he wanted some flesh.  
Anyways,  one day while I sat watching a show at his place, a woman called and he spent 2 and half hours on the phone and it seemed he was so excited in chatting with her, like he did with me when I first met him.

I questioned it and he was uppity about it.  Refusing to give me the woman's name or username.  He broke it off with me two weeks later and 3 months after that he went interstate to meet this woman.  He stayed with her for 3 weeks and about 2 months after that he started to crawl back to me.  Because she couldn't stand to be around him in person and she "finally" took interest in her children.  She had five kids,  a 17 year old pregnant daughter being the middle child.

The PAM doesn't understand "jealousy".   When it is shoved in your face that the other woman is "better" then you in the way of life.  It is not jealousy, it hurts when the significant other puts the other person on a pedastel while your seen as nothing great.  

Like you rachy when he came back, I went around to see him, mainly because my sister wanted to see him.  I wanted to punch his face because he said some disgusting degrading things about me and compared me to the woman saying this to all people my then 14 year old sister.

When he wasn't looking I got onto his lap top and saw a file on his desktop labeled with the woman's name.   I took a peek and almost choked with laughter at this "great" woman.   Geez she looked like an emancicated bulldog wearing a tattered wig (well it's her own hair put it looked matted) and a ciggie hanging out of mouth. 

Justin started to crawl back to me when she "dumped" him via his mother.  When I felt settled enough, I told him what he had done to me and how much hurt he has caused to me.  Then I told him to delete anything that had to do with the woman in front of me and also to delete it from the recycling bin. 
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By the way the woman is 21 years my senior, a "recovering" heroin addict and living on the single mother's penison.   How great is that lol.

As others have said have a proper chat with him and tell him that you do not appeciate that he spends more time on facebook then with you.  I giggled when you said you chatted with your ex-boyfriend cheeky.  

All I have to say hun it is going to be playing on your mind. Even when all is done, it will sometimes resurface.   Just till him that you are not happy and miss the days before facebookl.  It is what I did with my boyfriend and I told him, when I'm with him he is not allowed on onlinepoker.  He has to spend time with me.

Good Luck.   I'm just recounting my own story so then as you don't feel alone.



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Outer Senshi dolls are Obezyanka's Good Luck Charms.

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I beg to differ - I do understand jealousy.. I have felt it and I have also been on the receiving end of it - not nice either way...

I did not get that the OPs partner is shoving it in her face at all, that the other woman is better than her - I got that these were her own feelings and I was trying to explain to her that her OH is there with her, he loves her and talking to another person on line (be it the same sex or the opposite sex) does not mean that he is cheating on her or that he ever will. I believe that support and building self esteem (which you can have no matter what body shape you are) is vitally important to the health and well being of all relationships. If one partner feels bad, they inevitably bring that into the relationship. These types of emotions are not healthy for anyone.

Another thing I believe is that NOT ALL MEN CHEAT because their partners have issues (about weight, security, self esteem, etc)... Believe it or not, most men don't see the cellulite or the rolls of fat - they see the blue eyes and the big smile and the warm heart and the person who is there keeping house and looking after their kids and making them dinner. Men like security as much as we do IMO.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I offered advice to the OP. We are not here to judge what each others know and don't know - you don't know me, so I would really appreciate it if you didn't suggest that I don't know what I am talking about, thanks. This is an open forum and we are all here to offer differing opinions, what the OP takes from each post is entirely up to her and her situation IMO. That is the best thing about these types of forums, you have the choice to take on board some or none of what advice is offered from people of all walks of life.

___________________________________________________________

Ultimate Goal

I totally agree with your way of thinking Jodes.  Your a great support on these forums with a clear head and common sense.  We all would benefit from chilling out and trusting our partners word first and foremost.

Mini Goal - 125kg by 29th April

29 April my birthday - 125kg?

22 April
15 April
8 April
1 April
25 March
18 March
11 March
4 March

29 Feb

22 Feb

19 Feb

12 Feb

5 Feb - 137.1kg

.

.

GOAL 95kg (size 16/18)
- a healthier, happier painfree sandradeee

Overall Weightloss Ticker 

  
Whatever Works - journey in pictures can be found here